I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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