I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
