all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize