She went from zero to smokin in five shots
false alarm. still invincible.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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