Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
