Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
