Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
