Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
