Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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