i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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