Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
