I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
