So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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