I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
