"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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