You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
