It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
