I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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