i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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