good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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