This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
