You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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