I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
