so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I love you. Go after that dick
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