Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
