Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
