I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
