No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
