I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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