we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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