Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
