I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
