Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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