he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
And then he peed in my hair
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
