I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
