You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
