Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
