Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize