Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
