did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
