i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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