so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
