I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
