my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
