I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
