Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
