Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
