I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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