Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
