I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
