so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
