i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize
