ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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