He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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