he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i drank out of a bidet.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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