Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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