i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
they need to just BURY HIM!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
