i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
