dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
