I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
