I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
