Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
