Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
There are leaves in my underwear?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
