At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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