I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
