Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
