I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
