WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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