My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
