His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
