I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
