There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
