Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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