That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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