Banned from zoo.
Again?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
