The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
