Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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