Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
