Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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