I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
