All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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