I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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