I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
