Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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