it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
