I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize