4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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