I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
