So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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