so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
