they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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