Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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