i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
