Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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