One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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