apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize