i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I will pee on everything he values.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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