Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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