mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
