I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
