I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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