are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
