OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
