while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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