Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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